Thursday dh had to visit the wound care clinic. There are two wound care clinic's in our area. We had been trying valiantly through the V.A. to get approval to go to one of them that was "the better one" according to doctors. We have been turned down 5 times now. The lady at the clinic was very apologetic as she said she had verbal approval but dh got word that it is not approved after all and we would be on our own if he went. This clinic also didn't take our insurance but the other less approved clinic did so that is where we are at now. Dh really feels the clinic helps at leas the good one. Thursday was his first visit to the "not as good" clinic. They looked at his toe and finger. Now his finger has been doing much better lately since he had been visiting the good clinic. This has made us both very hopeful. So three different doctors "needed" to look at his ulcers and each time they wrapped him back up so when the next doctor would come in and want a peak they would have to unwrap him again. This sounds ok right? Except that they use iodine and these particular nurses didn't let it dry before wrapping the gauze around his finger so the gauze stuck to his finger. This led to some ripping of already very sensitive skin. Needless to say it wasn't pleasant and he was feeling the pain when he came home.
Also he passed a sort of milestone that day. For a while now the doctor's have been trying to talk him into getting a handicap license. He, feeling there were people out there that needed that much more then him turned it down for about a month or two now. This time however due to the fact that he realizes that when he doesn't walk alot his ulcer on the ball of his foot was getting better, he chose to let them give him the license. Well he actually got the hanger that you put on your rear view mirror.
He came home all jokes and look how cool we can park so close now. This went on for some time and then I looked him in the eye and said "how are you really handling this?". He saw I really wanted a honest answer and told me "well it sort of sucks being 33 and having a handicap license". He isn't as happy about it as it would first seem. I remember not too long ago(about two months or so) he purchased a cane so he could relieve his foot from as much pressure as possible. He did the same joke bit and the whole family joined in at how cool dad looks and maybe he should get coordinating outfit and we all had a good laugh. mostly he started these or the kids did. I noticed he didn't take it to work with him and asked about that. He said something along the lines of if his boss saw that he would turn into a liability and he was worried what that would do to his job. Another week went and I asked about it again and just flat out asked "are you embarrassed about the cane?". In all seriousness I could see the hurt in his eyes, the questions of how far this thing will go and of course I saw how worried he was at the opinions of myself and others around him. Would we look at him as less of a person and the provider or our family. That was a powerful moment. He turned visibly upset and said " yeah it sucks I don't like looking like this and having people judge me". He also seemed to somehow link this with how much of a man he is or at least how much of a man everyone else thinks he is.
I was supposed to attend a class with a friend on herbal remedies and such and I stayed home to be with him. He didn't say it but I felt I needed to be there.
Vanessa
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