Disability and Second opinions

Dh went to our private Doctor, through insurance, and updated him about what all was happening. We try to keep this doctor in the loop because he has been so good to us. When we had problems with our insurance paying for a medication he gave us enough samples to last a week and we were able to see if it worked. Anyway the doctors are still surprised dh is still working and this doctor is no different. He thinks that the toe will need to be amputated and that dh needs to get going on Social Security.

This is the cross roads isn't it? This will change our lives for sure. Well ok the disease has changed our lives in minute ways across the board but dh being disabled for the rest of his life when he is just now 33 that is life altering right. Not to mention that I would have to go out there and make up whatever we loose in income due to this change. How will I continue to homeschool the boys if I am working outside of the home. I enjoy being with my kids. Yes they can be trying at times, alot of times, but all in all I recognize I only have a little time with them so I am trying to enjoy it while I can. Now I realize that dh has already re submitted his case to the V.A. to see if he can get his disability upped but we have no idea when they will come back with an answer and what type of answer they will give.

I think the worst part about all of this is the being in limbo, kwim? It's the not being able to plan your life because you aren't sure how long things will be the way they are. I suppose this is the part where I give some great notion that I have finally learned to live in the moment. But I am a mom to three boys that are homeschooled. If I don't plan some part of my life homeschool and the house would be in chaos. There needs to be a certain amount of planning you need to do even if it is based on the ideas that you think will happen. Not to mention what will dh do if he is home for the rest of his life? Will it make him worse? Have you ever heard of people being in good health till they retired and then they started getting sick after they retired. This is what I worry about. Dh is not in the best of health to begin with what happens if being able to go to work and have that distraction and need of you is what is keeping him from getting that much worse?

Then there are all the little ways in which I know he is holding on to the notion that he needs to put on that brave face. I see him all day during weekends shudder throughout the day. I know it is a jolt of pain going through him. The cold weather has become a real issue as well and he truly does avoid it at all costs. Including not going to the door of a friends house when picking up one of our boys. It was too cold out so he sent one of the other boys. I explained it to my friend and I hope she understands that dh was not trying to be unsocial or rude. I can see him concentrate from moment to moment and I can tell he is trying to deal with his chronic pain.

Dh has made an appointment with another surgeon to get a second opinion on whether he needs the bypass surgery on his legs to improve the circulation in his right leg. I hope that I can go with him to the appointment.